some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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