Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
