I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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