Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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