My pussy is not your playground.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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