just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this will be a night to untag.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
