My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
