I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
do nipples grow back?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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