You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
