so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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