Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
