My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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