you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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