good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
