Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
