I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
