Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
