you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
