No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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