What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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