I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
