She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So much rum. So many feels.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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