Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
