Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
