Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
