You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
