So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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