I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
