I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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