Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
