this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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