careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
