There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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