so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
