whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
