using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
