I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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