It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
