You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
