how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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