I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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