It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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