I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
