the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
4 words: hood of his car
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
