Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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