people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
this hospital has no fireball
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
