He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
