so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
