I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
