I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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