Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Randomize
