Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
