all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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