You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
