I like to think it a success when the cops are called
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
