if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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