I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
