Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
