The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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