I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
