will power is for people who don't want to get laid
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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