try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
