You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
