I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
