I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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