i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
